Annoying Magic Items
The most iconic magic items are proper, important works of master craftsmanship, owned by kings and arcanists of legend. Even normal magic items lean on the same ideals, following the royal, noble aesthetic the same way pretentious novels try to sound like Shakespeare.
It’s ok, we’re tired of it, too.
To begin to undermine the polite magic item orthodoxy, we have created these three infuriating magic items, lovingly designed to shatter proper decorum as fast as possible. We have a lyre that insists you speak rhymes and haiku, like a jerk, a box of kids toys that can kill, and a shield that shouts until its charges run out (the perfect alarm clock, if you hate yourself).
Annoying Magic Items
Magical objects of power can make or break an adventurer, giving them access to unique options that can entirely redefine their experience or style of play. Some magic items require a bit of adjustment to make use of, however, especially if they possess a strange quirk, requirement, or diabolical curse. The following items fall into a different sort— the obnoxious. Expect loud noises and inconvenience to accompany this set of magical toys!
Luedvig's Lyrical Lyre
Wondrous item, uncommon (requires attunement)
This lyre is plated with an intricate golden design that depicts the events of an ancient myth. You must be proficient with string instruments to use this lyre. While playing the lyre, you can make any Charisma (Deception, Performance, and Persuasion) ability checks with advantage so long as you form your words in at least two sentences or phrases that rhyme, or as a haiku.
The lyre has 3 charges. You can use an action to play the lyre and expend 1 of its charges in order to cast the suggestion spell (save DC 15) from it. Your suggestion must be two sentences or phrases that rhyme, or be in the form of a haiku. The lyre regains 1d3 expended charges daily at dawn.
Pocket Poppers
Wondrous item, common
This handful of children’s toys have been enchanted by the well intentioned gnome artificer, Sprinklepop, to enhance the thrill they bring to the youthful. 1d6 + 4 of these tiny packets of combustible powder can be found in small, colorful bags patterned with cartoonish explosions.
As an action, a creature can pick one of these packets up and throw it at another creature within 20 feet. That creature takes 1 fire damage and must make a DC 11 Wisdom saving throw. On a failed save, it jumps back 5 feet and is frightened of you until the end of your turn.
Shield of Shouting
Armor (shield), rare (requires attunement)
This large, metal shield is forged with a furious, anguished face in its center. When you attune to it, it emits a constant ear-splitting wail. While it is screaming, you have disadvantage on Dexterity (Stealth) checks while holding it.
This shield has 5 charges. While holding it, you can expend 3 charges to cast warding wind, and you can expend 2 charges to cast thunderwave (DC 17), additionally deafening any creatures that fail the saving throw for 1 minute. A creature deafened in this way can repeat the save at the end of each of its turn, ending the effect on a success. Moreover, when a creature that can hear you hits you with an attack, you can expend 1 charge as a reaction. The shield heckles the attacking creature, forcing it to subtract a roll of 1d6 from its attack roll, potentially turning a hit into a miss.
When the shield expends its last charge, it falls silent until it regains at least 1 charge. While silent, its face becomes peaceful and quiet. The shield regains 1d4 + 1 expended charges daily at dawn.
